Young people have forgotten how to do sex

IT is vital that women know what men on the internet think is wrong with their bodies. Here’s how to go about this noble work.   Offer constructive criticism Something you might encounter is women not adhering to unrealistic beauty standards. They may be over a certain arbitrary weight – for example, larger than a professional …

ادامه مطلبYoung people have forgotten how to do sex

Agree a wanking schedule: Your guide to going back to working from home

BOUGHT a pricey mask, got a Pret subscription, risked your life on public transport – only to be sent home from the office? Here’s how to cope with working in the kitchen again. Take everything from the office home with you Pick up all the files you might conceivably need for the next year. You …

ادامه مطلبAgree a wanking schedule: Your guide to going back to working from home

The man’s guide to commenting on women’s bodies online

IT is vital that women know what men on the internet think is wrong with their bodies. Here’s how to go about this noble work.   Offer constructive criticism Something you might encounter is women not adhering to unrealistic beauty standards. They may be over a certain arbitrary weight – for example, larger than a professional …

ادامه مطلبThe man’s guide to commenting on women’s bodies online

Dog really not sure who left massive dog shit in living room

BOUGHT a pricey mask, got a Pret subscription, risked your life on public transport – only to be sent home from the office? Here’s how to cope with working in the kitchen again. Take everything from the office home with you Pick up all the files you might conceivably need for the next year. You …

ادامه مطلبDog really not sure who left massive dog shit in living room

New Covid tracing app gives you Covid

DO you think you’re impressing people by quoting wise sayings? Check they’re not the following overused phrases and you actually sound like a twat. ‘Never interrupt your enemy when he’s making a mistake’ Very probably Napoleon, and used by twats to imply they are a brilliant military thinker too. It’s unlikely the self-made Emperor of …

ادامه مطلبNew Covid tracing app gives you Covid

Five sayings twats think are clever but everyone has heard

DO you think you’re impressing people by quoting wise sayings? Check they’re not the following overused phrases and you actually sound like a twat. ‘Never interrupt your enemy when he’s making a mistake’ Very probably Napoleon, and used by twats to imply they are a brilliant military thinker too. It’s unlikely the self-made Emperor of …

ادامه مطلبFive sayings twats think are clever but everyone has heard

Every Leave voter to have a lorry parked on their driveway

LOCKDOWN 2 is here, promising to be as good as Ghostbusters 2. These six movies should make you realise being stuck at home again isn’t so bad. Or not:  A Quiet Place A family have to live silently in a cellar or be torn limb-from-limb by alien monsters with sensitive hearing. Emily Blunt has to …

ادامه مطلبEvery Leave voter to have a lorry parked on their driveway

Six films to make you count your blessings about lockdown, or maybe not

LOCKDOWN 2 is here, promising to be as good as Ghostbusters 2. These six movies should make you realise being stuck at home again isn’t so bad. Or not:  A Quiet Place A family have to live silently in a cellar or be torn limb-from-limb by alien monsters with sensitive hearing. Emily Blunt has to …

ادامه مطلبSix films to make you count your blessings about lockdown, or maybe not

The things about Britain’s shite trains that won’t be changing

DO you know how long I’ve wanted to be prime minister? My whole life. And I finally get here and what happens? You, the British people, seem determined to ruin it.  It was going to be so great. I was going to be walking out into Parliament, firing out quips, passing bills, bamboozling the EU, …

ادامه مطلبThe things about Britain’s shite trains that won’t be changing